A) THE PYRAMID DREAM I remember now; 30 years ago I recall the dreams that noone else could know Massive pyramids - floating out in space I climbed to the top to find it’s just the base No, it couldn’t go on - I had to break that game I awoke in bed but didn’t feel the same The doctors told me it was just a virus It will soon be over and so will the dreams So many years have passed now but last night The dreams returned to me, what could that mean? B) ANOTHER DOCTOR’S OPINION Oh no, it's not a virus, a tumour's been growing Yet all this time; no symptoms were showing At least that's what the doctors said They have to cut a piece out of my head Who's to be believed, they've been wrong before Losing 30% brain capacity How can I justify that atrocity? Abandoning what I always held most dearly But do I have a choice if I look at this clearly? I cry out loud for an answer to find (What is the meaning, what has been designed?) Can I accept this Waste of Mind? Should I quit the game while I’m still a-head Is it better to die alive or live like I were dead? C) TRIBUTE No matter what decision I make, all will be lost I don't want to die but can I accept the cost? All my thoughts and beliefs I just can't let them go to waste My head’s a whirlwind facing that which can’t be faced Numb with indecision but now I know what I must do I'll write a book, a tribute to what I have been through After the surgery they’ll know just who I was And my mind will live on despite the physical loss D) REMEMBERING I must remember everything but where should I begin So many things I've done, so many places I have been The thoughts are racing faster, faster than I can write Got to find what’s meaningful - the essence of my life Long lost dreams and visions now entwined with the past All those moments I can't recall, only that I wished they'd last The pressure is building, too many ideas flashing before me True or not, I don't know, which would create a better story? Spoken words, colours and sounds, every detail could be useful Even the smallest things could in the end prove to be crucial Every word or thought seems to lead to another chapter Every moment is a prelude to the one that comes thereafter E) WRITE OR WRONG Is this correct? no, it's misspelled and that word just sounds dumb If I leave it in, will it show a mind rather blunt and numb? I have to find better words, a quote could fill this space A reference showing what I've read might be in its place I can not sleep - I can not eat Everywhere I turn I see another story that must be told I can not think - I can not breathe And slowly I feel that I'm slipping through reality's hold It's closing in, I grip the pen till my knuckles turn white My hands are shaking - I feel the strain - no more can I write The blank paper in front of me mocks my incompetence All my great thoughts and deeds are now nothing but pretence F) REALISATION How can you think about that when your life is at its end A book of hopeless wishes showing just how you pretend So if they are my words then they should show the real me Not an illusion of a man that I wished I could be You wish to seem intelligent, refined and well-learned Yet you waste your life contemplating just why you didn't earn it Wake up, take off that mask you wear in self-defense For when you are talking to yourself lying makes no sense G) EPILOGUE I've spent my life thinking without living, now I'm dying A life-long mission to succeed without trying Searching for something I thought I wanted to find Memoirs of futility, is my life just a Waste of Mind?