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Chaos exhausts itself

In the end there is always stillness

Chaos is not of God

Every ripple loses its kinetic energy

No matter how much you scream

The lungs exhaust and air stills

No matter how much you splash

The water’s surface will flatten

Likewise let God prevail over my chaos

He has conquered hell and filled it

In the deepest depths of my hell He is there

In all the despair, hatred and self-deprecation

There He is to guide me out

I resist Him in agitation

His helping hand ever-extended

Hell is not under the occupation of the devil

But forever conquered by Christ

I march into the blackest depths of the lump within my chest

And here I find Christ again

Chaos I crave

Life of trauma and rage

These violent tides against an eternal stillness

The energy only dampens as my efforts exhaust

I’ve begged the world to understand me

Now I run from the only one who does

Violence, I wage war with God

So let Him have the victory

I speak to Him with bitterness

For ever having created me

Turning and running ever deeper into my inner hell

Yet I cannot outrun His sovereign love

If I am to truly understand mercy

Maybe I should place my head in the guillotine

It’s okay to be a little tired

But in my spiritual fatigue I have grown stone cold

Rage consumes me

Thoughts of violence and suicide

Losing hope and wanting to die

Hostile thoughts reach the surface

Yet You haven’t slain me yet