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I GOT A NUMBER

9 TO MY NAME FOR THE FAME THAT I GAIN

EVERY TIME I CRACK A NUT FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME

THAT I PLAY TO STAY SO FAR AWAY FROM THE PLAIN

AND MUNDANE THAT I EXPLAIN CAUSES PAIN IN THE BRAIN

I GET BORED!

..of the same old humdrum

Every day in Knockwood is leaving me glum

I lash out

At those all around

And I cause a little chaos putting feet to the ground

With the boys of the forest all causing a scene

As we kick a squirrel in the nuts laughing with glee

Throw a stone overhead at a goose on the loose

Give a lovely little kick to a mouse underfoot

And I’m a bastard, no good, rotter of a gnome

With a red cap, up atop me old chrome dome

No bother with a rozzer ‘cause the coppers all know

That I do what I want, and I got an ASBO

He does what he wants so he’s got an ASBO

I AM A LITTLE

GNOME ON THE RUN WITH A STOLEN PLUM PIE

TAKEN FROM A WINDOW LEDGE I HAPPEN TO COME BY

IT’S FUN, WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO STUN MY

ONE TRY AT HAVING A LAUGH SO I RUN MY MOUTH

...saying horrible things

Throwing stones at the fairies and clipping their wings

But they deserve it

For being so smug

Every time I hear them laughing at my ugly mug

I get a red mist coming down over my eyes

And the critters of the forest all get a surprise

When they see a little gnome run in their direction

And quicker than a flash I’m kicking their heads in

I'm a nasty little bastard

Kicking badgers is such fun

I don't care what they police say

They will never catch me

They know all about my ASBO

I’m a bastard, no good, rotter of a gnome

With a red cap, up atop me old chrome dome

No bother with a rozzer ‘cause the coppers all know

That I do what I want, and I got an ASBO

He does what he wants so he’s got an ASBO