---

They feed me chemicals

And draw the toxic blood from my veins

What a fucking waste

I spent my whole life --

-- My entire ancestors' bloodline and history

To end up with a fucked up nasal cavity

Tar in my lungs

And these fucking pills

To keep me asleep

To keep me from killing myself

I never saw myself being alive at 25

Ever since I was young I sought the sweet kiss of her misery

Against my chest, stopping my pulse

Oh, I know she fucking loves me

And I want every piece of her

Throughout my body

Tearing my organs to shreds

Melting my lungs and raping my heart --

-- It's quivering endlessly

Relentlessly in my fucking ribcage

Desecrated

I wish I had fentanyl to comfort me

But I lost that chance

I lost chance

I need to stay sober for my mother, right?

She wouldn't care, I know she wouldn't

Nothing she hasn't seen before

I'm already fucked

I'm already a fuck up in her eyes

My truest love

The one who yearns for me

My darling girl, Akhyls

Please take me

I smell that hospital iron smell

My eyes fading in and out of black and white

Nurses, doctors, psychiatrists

They all know my name and my diagnosis

They judge me

Laugh at me

They feed me pills

I've exhausted all my options

One step away from cop calling

So they can find the spot my body dropped

Don't show my mom

Stay away from my dad

They'll get used to it

One day they'll be glad

I've been put out of my misery

While i rest easy in a ditch

Nobody ever visited me

Until I scratched my itch