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Master of the allen wrench

Riding a mighty lawnmower for revenge

In the realm of the screws he’s the king

And Lord of the Towel Rings

Edison of the lightbulb

Leonardo of the shower tray

Renzo Piano of the gas pipes

David Hasselhoff of the glue

Einstein of the screwdriver

Plato of the kick plates

Hemingway of the instructions

Translated into Dutch

Bricolage! With the power of Black & Decker

Bricolage! And the magic of Leroy Merlin

Bricolage! Praise the wisdom of Rowenta

In the name of the almighty Bosch!

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger

Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse

Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's

Ineffable copier of the seven keys

You’re the Spongebob of promotions on the glue!

Wizard of the doorknob of steel

Warlock of the doorlock of hell

Baywatcher of the batteries' polarity

Hobgoblin of the customer satisfaction

Heart of utensil

On your ear there’s a pencil

No one can outcompete your trueness

in the retail sellers branch

You also sell mosquito nets

In the tropical regions

But not DDT anymore

For international restrictions

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger

Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse

Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's

Ineffable copier of the seven keys

You’re the bishop of the offers on the nails!

The hammer of Thor

The scalpel of Thor

The screwdriver of Thor

The lifepreserver of Thor

The cousin of Thor

The grandfather of Thor

The boyfriend of David Hasseloff

Hail to the affordable Ironmonger

Prophet of bricolage of the last eclipse

Purchase cutting edge items at the Ironmonger's

Ineffable copier of the seven keys

And this song is all about David Hasselof!