In the free state of Chiapas, in the city of San Ju-an
There was a bruja pequeña, guapa come un orangután
She was a chava melancólica, le dolía el corazón
So she brewed the Calimojo, a Maya love poción
Ahi ahi ahi ahi
Un murciélago primavera se cayó en el calderón
Ahi ahi ahi ahi
Se salió la calavera de un pinche demonio chingón
Ohe! El chupacabra cadabra
Is merciless y macabra, bringer of maldición
Ohe! El chupacabra cadabra
Is spiky but also glabra, you left the poor brujita
Sin amor y sin sabor
He's a perrazo malvado, his bite is brutal
Removes the olor and the worm, from the tequila and the mezcal
Por los campos el se va, disembowelando each animal
Aumentando el chupamiento de forma exponencial
Ahi ahi ahi ahi
Se toma un cabroncito como si fuera un chapulín
Ahi ahi ahi ahi
Nada lo puede parar, hasta hydroxychloroquine!
Ohe! El chupacabra cadabra
Is merciless y macabra, bringer of maldición
Ohe! El chupacabra cadabra
Is spiky but also glabra, you left the poor brujita
Sin amor y sin sabor
Through the desert of Chihuahua, from the Sierra of Guadalupe
Came an enmasquarado warrior, el jefe Chapo Chups
Desert of Chihuaua! Sierra of Guadalupe!
Enmasquarado Warrior! Come Chupa Chups!
Chasing the chingado perro, for the goats and libertad
Armado with a rifle and su buena voluntad
Chingado perrito! Goats and libertad!
With an AR-15! Buena voluntad!
Caminando, Navegando, Chateando! (Manzotin, Manzotin)
He found a Maya PDF enshrining an old prophecy inside a group on Telegram
But the archivo was infectado with a malware matador
Only an old geek had the license of the antivirus curador
Archivo infectado! Malware matador!
Norton antivirus! Resto in goleador!
He was Lucas Montañero, el Chamuleño hackerador
He unlocked and read the file en su old computador
Lucas Montañero! Viejo commodore!
San Ju-an Chamula! Cocacola lord!
Y leyendo, interpretando, descifrando! (Rasputin, Rasputin)
Dijo "Bleach", a chida Maya word of obscure significado que en inglés es "bleach"
And so el Chapo received from the Chamulenyo hackerador
The goblet of bleach and "Asada Quebrada"
The precolombian app to track and trace the Chupacabra
After two weeks of climb and descent across curved paths
He finally reached the Fauces del Volcán Popocatépetl
Where the Chupacabra was fly-fishing without much success
As el Chapo found the beast he screamed:
In the name of Big Farm, I'll eradicate you!
And from six feet apart he started to fire his deadly bleach droplets...
And so the battle began!
But the Chamuleño bleach was ineffective
And the Chupacabra fought back and started chupating
El Chapo's upper respiratory tract, making him choke
Desperate and hopeless was el Chapo
Until his precolombian app started to shine from a notification that said:
The FDA grants you Emergency Use Authorization of the spell
"Asada Quebrada" 95% effective against Chupacabras
Ahi ahi ahi ahi, Asada Quebrada, the spell of Inferno
These are spike cactus' summoning words, a Mayan frightening tune
Chinga tu madre vete a la verga, puto pendejo cabrón
Me meo en tu tequila sal y limón, usted es un pinche huevón
Ahi ahi ahi AIDS, Asada Quebrada, it's a kind of magic
The Spike booster pierces the perro malvado, taking his breath away
Chinga tu puta perro cabrón, la perra que te cabró
Me cago en tus huevos, gusano chingón, eres un taco strapón
Chinga tu puta perro cabrón, la perra que te cabró
Me cago en tus huevos, gusano chingón, eres un taco strapón
Chinga tu puta perro cabrón, la perra que te cabró
Me cago en tus huevos, gusano chingón, eres un taco strapón
Chinga tu puta perro cabrón, la perra que te cabró
Me cago en tus huevos, gusano chingón, eres un taco strapón
After three shots the monster mutated and retired in his den near a lake
Researches of UNAM call him "Chupacobra" a harmless and endemic snake
Then came an eagle, trying to chupate him, but its taste was disgusting and shitty
In a concrete mixer she spat him and made him the pillar of Mexico city
Chapo chups became a farming class hero, a star like Vicente Fernandez
But the adverse effects of his spell turned him into a groundhog named George W. Sanchez
Sanchez! Sanchez! Sanchez! Sanchez!
El pueblo was rejoicing, inside Mexico DF
Singin' this haggadic refrain, celebrating Sanchez
If you just beat the Chupacabra, and didn't throw the bleach at him
It would have been enough, dajenu Sanchez!
Da dajenu! Da dajenu! Da dajenu, dajenu Sanchez!
If you just threw bleach at him, and you didn't say Asada Quebrada
It would have been enough, dajenu Sanchez!
If you said Asada Quebrada, and didn't make him an endemic snake
It would have been enough, dajenu Sanchez!
Da dajenu! Da dajenu! Da dajenu, dajenu Sanchez!
If you made him an endemic snake, and didn't steal Frida Kahlo's tweezers
It would have been enough, dajenu Sanchez!
If you stole Frida Kahlo's tweezers and didn't murder Lev Trotzky
Disguised as Christian de Sica's uncle, dajenu Sanchez!
Da dajenu! Da dajenu! Da dajenu, dajenu Sanchez!
If you murdered Lev Trozky, and didn't make the Mexico Open
Just for Djoković, dajenu Sanchez
Just for Djoković, you took a trip to Wuhan
To see the BSL-4 lab...
Da dajenu! Da dajenu! Da dajenu, dajenu Sanchez!
Da dajenu! Da dajenu! Da dajenu, dajenu Sanchez!
