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Not this time

I won’t recoil

Hold steady

Hold my breath

Pierce the surface

Seeing blue and black

Cold dead world

Submerged in darkness

Everything’s frightening

Chest is pounding

Straining lungs

Thrashing arms and legs

Release of tension

Bubbling wrathful scream

Fading sight

Surmounting terror

Torn from the depths

Despair envelopes

Conviction drips away

Tears stream from me

My will is weak

I am week

Damn this world

Damn my frail courage

Damn these wretched

gasps for air

I would not have failed if I were weighed down by more than self loathing