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I PERISH IN THE MASSES AND SOMEHOW THIS GIVES ME

COMFORT. I FEEL ASHAMED; SOLELY IN THE SORROW OF

OTHERS I AM ABLE TO FORGET. I CAME TO A POINT WHERE

THE DISCONTENT OF OTHERS GIVES ME PEACE. I FEEL HATRED

FOR MYSELF THE MOMENT I REALIZE MY OWN SADISM. I AM

FEELING SHIVERS. FEAR OF CHANGE AND AN IMMANENT

INTRISIC IGNORANCE TAKE TURNS WITH IMMACULATE

NOTHINGNESS. IN THE ONE MOMENT I DEGENERATE INTO

PANICKED STIFFNESS, IN THE OTHER, THROUGH A DEEP

EMOTIONAL UNDERTOW, I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST

TIME I FELT JOY OR EVEN EMPATHY. OVER THE LAST WHILE

I THOUGHT ALOT ABOUT HOW ENTHUSIASTIC I ONCE WAS.

HOW I TRIED TO MOTIVATE, MOVE AND INSPIRE THE PEOPLE

SURROUNDING ME.

IN REFLECTION OF WHAT I DECAYED INTO THIS FEELS LIKE

A PUNCH IN THE STOMACH. MY GUTS AND MY HEAD HURT,

BUT MAYBE THAT’S THROUGH THE CONSTANT LACK OF FOOD

AND CLEAN WATER. MAYBE I’M JUST TO CONCERNED WITH

MY EMOTIONAL STATE AND SHOULD JUST TRY TO GO ON

MANAGE STUFF SOMEHOW.

BUT I BROKE AND THE WORST THING IS THAT I AM CONSCIOUS

OF IT.

I JUST CAN’T.