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As the snow sprinkles all around

I fill with joy at the sleigh bell sound

This is the most festive time of year

With children full of Christmas cheer

Jingle bells jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to murder kids who’ve gone astray

Tie them up in a sack, take them to my car

Run them down repeatedly until they scream no more

Take the corpses and begin

To lift them high above with sticks

Bring out the tinsel and the bobbles

Decorations for this Christmas display

So gather round and witness this work of art

One last touch for completion

Time to light this Christmas tree

Lighter fluid and a match

Let them burn

Happy birthday Jesus!