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How to enjoy life?

I see no answer

I see only suicide

I don't deserve anything

I want to disappear

So I don't see your lives again

So I do not feel this pain

God spits on me from the sky

I laugh at myself with my life

I am drowning in my suicidal thoughts

No one can give me their hand to save my life

My footsteps on earth mean nothing

My life on earth is worth nothing

I was meant to suffer

And nothing can help me

Only I can help myself

But who said that I want to help myself?

I don't wanna live

I want to fucking die!