VALIENT THORR CALLS OUT METALLICA'S LARS ULRICH FOR A TOTAL ASS-WHOOPING SMACKDOWN

Outspoken bassist Nitewolf of intergalactic rock n' roll saviors Valient Thorr has announced that he'd like to teach Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich a thing or two, with a bold call-to-arms that is causing a ripple of gasps, raised eyebrows and "oh-no-he-didn'ts" from astonished fans, fellow musicians and concerned parents around the world.

"That guy goes around always thinking he's the best," says Nitewolf of the legendary metal percussionist from one of the biggest-selling acts of all time. "I think it's time somebody showed Lars who's boss, and I'm just the man to defeat him, in public, with my superior skills. As soon as I'm done cleaning the floor with his weak game, I'm taking on that other punk, Elton John."

Ulrich himself has offered no comment thus far, with the Metallica camp strangely silent on the matter. Music industry insiders note that odds may indeed be in Nitewolf's favor, as the Valient Thorr bassist and artist-in-residence was raised by a "professional" (earth) father, who mentored him in war-like arts of strategy, cunning and weaponry -- plus Nitewolf's long, lustrous beard is a indicator of extreme testosterone production. Parties interested in sponsoring the match are encouraged to contact Nitewolf's representatives at the information below.

These daring comments arrive just as Valient Thorr are attempting to improve their image with the June 17 release of their latest Volcom Entertainment masterpiece, IMMORTALIZER, and subsequent 31-date, cross-country U.S. tour with fellow rockers Early Man -- as well as additional opening acts Architects, Kandi Coded, Monotonix, Skeletonwitch and Toxic Holocaust on select dates - that launches on July 9 in Sparks, NV. Nitewolf's outburst is also in surprising contrast with saint-like bandmate/frontman Valient Himself, who recently underwent transplant surgery to donate a kidney to his ailing father. Immediately after his speedy recovery, the band played in front of hundreds of thousands of rabid fans at the UK's Download Festival , club shows in the UK and Germany, and Belgium's Graspop Festival in anticipation of the U.S. tour.

IMMORTALIZER was recorded in Seattle with veteran producer Jack Endino (Nirvana, Soundgarden, Hot Hot Heat), who helped Valient Thorr shape their signature sound with a mix of punk-fueled energy, heavyweight grooves and classic rock swagger. Previous albums such as the band's self-released 2003 debut Stranded on Earth, their 2005 Volcom debut Total Universe Man, and 2006 follow-up Legend of the World tackled the world's problems straight on with a blunt, in-your-face attack on the Bush Administration, war in the Middle East and capitalism run amok. Since hitting the road full-time, Valient Thorr has enjoyed successive, high-profile stints on the Vans Warped Tour in 2005 and 2006, and has toured incessantly with such varied acts as Joan Jett and the Black Hearts, Eagles of Death Metal, Gogol Bordello, Fu Manchu and Motörhead.

Date: Jun 10, 2008
As Reported by: jason

Tags: Metallica, Lars Ulrich, Nitewolf, Valient Thorr,

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Comments

HAHAHAHAHA!!! - 2008-07-17 15:41:36
Kid you couldnt beat that guy if you had an AK in your hands. Youd probably shit yourself as sooon as you laid eyes on him. And Lars is probably one of the worst, if not the worst thrash drummer in history.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! - 2008-07-17 15:41:03
Kid you couldnt beat that guy if you had an AK in your hands. Youd probably shit yourself as sooon as you laid eyes on him. And Lars is probably one of the worst, if not the worst thrash drummer in history.

- 2008-07-02 16:46:46
Nitewolf would fuck him up....the guy is a beast.

CreepingDeath67 - 2008-06-10 13:50:00
WHO THE FUCKING HELL DOES THAT CUNT THINK HE IS?!?! LARS WOULD BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND THEN I'D GET A CHANCE TO FUCK HIM UP AND SLAUGHTER THE BASTARD!!!

chief_wiggum - 2008-06-10 12:01:10
what does this site have against Metallica? They still are a great band putting out awesome music.

flmpguitarist666 - 2008-06-10 11:53:31
"I think it's time somebody showed Lars who's boss, and I'm just the man to defeat him, in public, with my superior skills. As soon as I'm done cleaning the floor with his weak game, I'm taking on that other punk, Elton John." Oh my god, that had me crying. Haha.

chief_wiggum - 2008-06-10 11:41:18
funny shit. such attention whores

steiner666 - 2008-06-10 11:12:51
Lars really IS a hate-able person...

kristychomp - 2008-06-10 11:03:50
Where does the gauntlet get all these great pictures of Lars?

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