Massachusett's thrashers Lich King have just posted an open letter offering recently jobless Slayer drummer a job. He will still have to audition though.
"What with your contract woes with Slayer, it seems you are now no longer a member. Well, Dave, they say with every door that closes, another opens. A big door with our logo on it has just swung wide.
"That's right, you just got called up to the big leagues. We'd like to invite you to drum for Lich King.
"We are the world's premier unsigned western Massachusetts thrash metal band, and a position with us carries a great deal of clout and privilege. In addition to the twelve dollars we can give you out of our pay split after EVERY SHOW, we are willing to offer you a signing bonus of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS and one (1) gift certificate for $20 at Red Robin.
"Your duties will include
• Hauling gear
• Driving long hours on tour
• Providing us with a practice space because ours belongs to our current drummer Brian
• Booking tours (also a Brian duty)
• Recording and producing our albums (Brian again)
• Telling Brian he's fired
"If you accept, there will of course be an audition. We can't just let you in without seeing what you can do. Practice up on any three of our songs. We can send you the mp3s to practice to (we will deduct the 99 cents per song from your future earnings) and can schedule your audition at your convenience."
We await your response.
-Tom, Dave, Joe & Rob