heavy metal

The Whoring of Ozzy

In the late 60's, Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler, Tony Iommi and Bill Ward helped create what later would become heavy metal. The Prince of Darkness went on to break away from the band, piss on a monument for the fallen soldiers of the Alamo, bite the head off a bat, snort a line of ants with Motley Crue, shoot and kill all of the family pets, and bite the head off a dove in front of record executives...and then things got weird.

Lately, Ozzy Osbourne has basically become a running punch line of a man who needs to be saved from those who make decisions for him. With wife Sharon as Ozzy's manager, he has gone from a top 10 duet with Lita Ford in 1988 to an agonizing cover of Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" with Coal Chamber in 1999 (both Lita Ford and Coal Chamber were managed by Sharon Osbourne). In fact, every artist Sharon Osbourne has managed, Ozzy has done guest vocals for except The Smashing Pumpkins. Here is a song Ozzy recorded with Gary Moore who was also managed by Sharon. After a duet with Coal Chamber, who is next might you ask? Jessica Simpson of course. In Dec 2003, Ozzy and Jessica sang "Winter Wonderland" together for an MTV Christmas special while Sharon was giving interviews about her pre-marital affair with Ozzy Osbourne guitarist, Randy Rhoads. Then daddy's littile girl, Kelly Osbourne, needed to leech off his reputation, and how can Ozzy say 'no!'? Kelly and Ozzy recorded "Changes". Let's not forget the collaboration with 50 Cent. Probably the ultimate insult was televised on national TV and to a broader fanbase. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne took the field during the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley Field during a Cubs game. What ensued was just embarrassing to watch.

In 2002, The Osbourne's reality show debuted on MTV. The family reportedly took in a mere $20,000 per episode while America laughed at the Ozzman. The series lasted 4 seasons. The Osbourne's went on to tape a series of variety shows in 2009 that were full of unwatchable sketches. Fox network aired only 1 episode as American's couldn't handle another week.

We can't forget the TV commercials Ozzy has done over the years. Ozzy has hawked everything from Pepsi Twist and Samsung phones to World of Warcraft and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. Every commercial has the same running theme; Ozzy is a moron and only here for our amusement.

His image and career have become laughable. The once mighty Ozzfest became a failure over the last several years and is taking this year off after only 1 date last year. Black Sabbath has gone on without him and is now touring under the Heaven and Hell moniker with Ronnie James Dio. Just last week, Ozzy filed suit against Tony Iommi over the Black Sabbath name and trademark. Part of me sides with Ozzy Osbourne. He is entitled to of the name Black Sabbath. However, what will happen to the Black Sabbath brand if Ozzy and co. has some control over it? I cringe the day when I pull up to a McDonald's and order a kids meal and see the toy of the week are Black Sabbath bobble heads.

At least Ozzy Osbourne isn't selling is soul via a 900 number commercial or on Sam's Club. Oh wait...

**Update** A user from just emailed me this link. It must be a Black Sabbath frontman thing.

Lita Ford & Ozzy duet

Coal Chamber "Shock the Monkey"

Jessica Simpson & Ozzy

Kelly & Ozzy "Changes"

Ozzy Osbourne & 50 Cent

Ozzy sings Take me out to the ball game

Pepsi commercial

Samsung commercial

Ronnie James Dio Budweiser 1983

I Can't Believe it's not Butter

Warcraft commercial

Gary Moore "Led Clones"

900# commercial

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Tags:  Ozzy OsbourneSharon OsbourneKelly OsbourneCommercialswhore

    June 02, 2009

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