Steel Panther frontman Michael Starr, has taken on the daunting task of trying to fix your messed up lives, and based on the questions you submitted, you guys are more fucked up than we could have imagined. If you are in need of advice, feel free to ask here.

If your penis had a theme song, what would it be?

Probly "Run to the hills" cause when I pull out I like to shoot my load on the chicks mountains aka boobies.

Which is worse, your armpits at 7 p.m. or your breath at 7 a.m.?

Well after being up all night after a show and an 8 ball it's most liley both. But it dosent matter cause I ussually just fuck the girl that's been up with me the whole time so we smell and taste the same. It's kinda like when a chick sucks your dick after it has been in her ass. But toally different.

My girlfriend and I went to see your band last year at the Key Club and you had her up on stage and got her to flash. It was really cool seeing the crowd’s reaction and a total turn-on but now she flashes people at every show we go to.

Sounds like your girl learned what we teach at our shows. To bring metal back this attitude has to go into every aspect of the believers life. If she shows her tits at concerts then maybe the rookie chicks wat the show will do the same and therefore the rebirth of metal has began.

What instrument should I take up playing if all I care about is pussy?

Most likey the bass. Here's why: It's easy to learn and chicks don't know the difference between a guitar and a bass. You can play running with the devil by Van Halen in no time and even get more pussy. It worked for me.

What do you do when you have a visible erection in public?

Walk proudly and even check out chicks way more cause some girls can't resist a hard cock even in the airport but if it starts to drip that's not cool

If you had the opportunity to get rid of the entire rap genre, what would be your way of torture. (Please make it quite painful)

I would make 50 Cent listen to only metal for 30 days striaght to convert him. He is not a bad guy he is just ignorant. He doesn't know any better. Like most rappers, Little John knows how to rock. We have converted him but he is scared to switch. It's umderstandable (is that a word?)

When the band goes on tour to support the album, will Lexxi ride in the bus with the rest of the guys on a special bus more suited for him?

Great question. No Lexxi will have to ride on our bus cause we can't afford to get 2 buses yet

Who is your favourite comedian?

Andrew dice clay 1988

Why do ecumenical politics continually disrupt the common flow of humanity by dividing up people and making them feel left out?

Cause drugs are still illegal once they are leagal shit will be completly different. Hookers should be legal too. People would me more relaxed and not so stressed if they could have hooker once a week kinda like a massage for your cock but totally legal

What to do when you think your girl is lying or when you think she is not telling you something?

All girls lie. They are just like us, they cheat steal and lie all the time. If you think she is lying about something, then she is. Just fuck her best friend. Trust me I'm not lying to u.

Have you ever given a girl the Vulcan Shocker? 2 in the pink, 2 in the stink?

Not yet but I'm gonna now. I think I'll have a chick take me to see the new Star Trek movie and then stick it in during the credits. Kinda of like a theme night date if you will

I am 15 and my parents are divorced. My mom is a nudist and has nudist pool parties. It is so embarrassing having friends over with my mom walking through the house naked. How should I best deal with this?

Wow if your a man this shouldn't be a problem. If you are a man and it's a problem you might be gay. Even cougars suck killer cock bro. If you are a girl you might not be gay
Make sure to teach your mom and her old friends to start shaving their vaginas. Then it's clean and there is no more gray.

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Date Posted: 2009-05-13